You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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