she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
