Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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