sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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