Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
