found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
