new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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