I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
