I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
