I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize