Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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