I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So much Jack, so little girl.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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