Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
