She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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