We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
