you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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