Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Even the bartender felt bad for me
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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