But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
