They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
