Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
