I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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