know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
