i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
