I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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