I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize