No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
