Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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