First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
