you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
