so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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