i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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