He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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