Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
