I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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