How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
