i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
