I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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