thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize