peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There r osticjed everywhere
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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