Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
