WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
