Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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