Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
