So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
