I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am puke
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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