im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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