hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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