I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
