I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
