His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I did not marry a roomba.
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