Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
