like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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