Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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