Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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