apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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