im about as happy as oj after his trial
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
