Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
