ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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