You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
