My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
