Soap is not a condiment
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
