We named our party play list daddy issues
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
