I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
