and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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